We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Too Fat To Troop

from Impotent Nerd Rage by Mikey Mason

/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $1 USD  or more

     

  • BUY ON COMPACT DISC

lyrics

“This one's for Jek...”

When I was a young boy, I only had one dream:
I wanted to carry a blaster rifle and wear white PVC.
But when the Empire came to Bestine IV, looking to recruit,
They took one look at me and cut me from the group.

They said, “Maybe you can fly real well and maybe you can shoot.
But take a look in the mirror, son. You're just too fat to troop!

Too fat too troop. You're just too fat to troop.
Maybe you can jam in Max Rebo's band or fly an interstellar sloop,
But you'll never fit in the armor son. You're just too fat, too fat to troop.”

So I became a free trader and the Empire, they returned,
and like a psycho padawan, the anger in me burned.
I was a champion pilot, known for my T-16,
And the rebels, they were happy to squeeze me into an X-Wing.

And the next thing you know, it's a run on the Death Star, “Red Six, standing by...
I've got a problem here.” “Eject!” “I can hold it.” “Pull up!” “No, I'm alright...”

Too fat to troop. I was just too fat to troop.
I'd still be around if I'd put the fork down, probably still be a virgin, too.
But I wouldn't have died a hero. I'm so glad that I was too fat to troop.

Too fat to troop. I was just too fat to troop.
Now I'm a legend of the Rogue Squadron, I've got my own action figure, too.
I might have died as Ewok fodder. Thank the Force I was too fat to troop.

I was just too fat to troop.

“You will be avenged...”

credits

from Impotent Nerd Rage, released August 18, 2011

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Mikey Mason Indianapolis, Indiana

A nationally touring performer with hits like She Don’t Like Firefly, Best Game Ever, and Opposite of Cool, Mikey Mason is a ball of contagious enthusiasm who makes songs about role-playing games, video games, sci-fi, fantasy, cats, and the general experience of being a geek. He’s been heard on nerdist.com, SyFy, TheFuMP.com, and Dr. Demento, and is a truly must-see event each time he performs. ... more

contact / help

Contact Mikey Mason

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

Mikey Mason recommends:

If you like Mikey Mason, you may also like: