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Better Than Darth Vader

from Tentacow by Mikey Mason

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about

This song's original version appeared on (and is available at) theFuMP.com. Check them out for new, funny music weekly!

lyrics

I think it's fair to say I haven't been the greatest father,
But at least you weren't raised by your uncle, farming moisture from the sand,
And I didn't kill your mother or a classroom full of padawans,
And never once did I cut off your hand...

And I know because you're my child, you'll complain about that last part,
Cause you could totally have your own bionic robot hand by now.
But robot hands aren't even covered under our insurance,
And if they were, you'd hate it anyhow...

You wouldn't get the iHand6 or even last years model,
You'd get the hand equivalent of a flip phone, so absurd,
You'd roll your eyes, and scream at me and tell me that you hate me,
And flip me your new lame robotic bird

And you might think it's lame I want you in the family business,
But not to rule a galaxy as child and dear old dad,
And I might have lost my temper, but I never built a death star
Or destroyed a planet cause you made me mad

I wasn't absent from your life until you were an adult,
I wasn't such an asshat that they hid my kids from me,
Although you might wish that they had when I see your report cards,
And ground you until you at least make C's...

And I love you with my whole heart, and mostly unconditionally,
I don't care if you're a dreamer or Republican or gay,
But I'll be damned to hell if I will raise a vegetarian,
And I never cut your hand off, so that's okay...

I think It's fair to say I've never been the greatest father,
We've had our disagreements, and I'm sure we'll have some more.
You might think I'm a tyrant just because you have a curfew.
But I'm better than Darth Vader, that's for sure.

credits

from Tentacow, track released December 15, 2015

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all rights reserved

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about

Mikey Mason Indianapolis, Indiana

A nationally touring performer with hits like She Don’t Like Firefly, Best Game Ever, and Opposite of Cool, Mikey Mason is a ball of contagious enthusiasm who makes songs about role-playing games, video games, sci-fi, fantasy, cats, and the general experience of being a geek. He’s been heard on nerdist.com, SyFy, TheFuMP.com, and Dr. Demento, and is a truly must-see event each time he performs. ... more

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