Him and me... We're gonna save the day together, we will stand side by side forever, okay I'm slightly behind him and out of the line of fire...
I know he... Is the face known everywhere, he gets the girls and the fanfare, but when it comes down to the wire...

He knows that he can't do it without me... He doesn't have to say it and he probably never will...

But I... keep his boots shined and cape well-pressed, make sure he eats and gets his rest, so he can shine like the sun...
And I... Keep his sword sharp and his horse well fed, I make his meals and make his bed, for I am the chosen one---'s assistant.

And when you... pray to the gods your lives to save, from a dire and magic plague, who do you think you're praying to...?
Okay it's technically him... But who washed his chosen underwear? Who do you think gave him directions there, to save you?

Cause I carry the maps and navigation equipment... He's got a sword arm, but he can't even read...

But I... I hold the torch in dungeons deep, I tell him where he should storm the keep, so that the day gets won.
And I... I find the priest when there's undead, to bless his sword arm and helmet head, I am the chose one...'s assistant.

I pitch the tents, I set up camp, I rub the knots from his toes when they cramp,
I stitch his wounds, I make repairs, Mix winkle cream and pluck his thick nose hairs...
I pay off husbands when he sleeps with their wives, deflowered maidens when he ruins their lives.
And who do you think cleans the dragon shit off the treasure...?

It ain't him. No, he's out dancing at the balls... Taking the bows and curtain calls, while I'm in the stable.
With a book. And a lantern a stack of scrolls, to learn how to beat three headed trolls, so I'll be able.

To tell him how to do it using small words and pictures...
And when he does it, do you think he'll share the princess?

But I... I swore an oath just to pay my rent, a non-disclosure agreement, so I can't tell anyone...
That he... Sleeps with a night light and sucks his thumb, is bald as a rock and twice as dumb for I am the Chosen One's.... Assistant.