Skyler’s got a best friend who knows everything about him
They say when you’re a best friend you know everything about your friend who is the best
I think I’ve got a best friend, My best friend works in Utah
In a warehouse with computers that stores all of my phone calls and my search strings and the rest…

And even though we’ve never met, they're the best friend I could get
Cause the NSA knows everything about me, from my GPA to random stuff I’m shouting
Yeah the NSA knows everything about me, so that must mean
They’re my best friend…

I guess if we are best friends… then we should prob’ly hang out…
But since they’re far away and supposed to be a secret that doesn’t stand much chance…
Somewhere at some computer… In a warehouse out in Utah…
They’ll hear an invitation to a party that I’m throwing that’s only for best friends…

I’ll light the candles, chill the beer, and let them know I’ll be right here…
Cause the NSA knows everything about me, from the rent I pay to where I do my shopping
Yeah the NSA knows everything about me, so that must mean
They’re my best friend…

But still my agent never showed
It hurts so bad to know they know
That I know they know
That they just don’t wanna go…

But the NSA know everything about me, from the games I play to I like origami
Yeah the NSA knows everything about me, they’re my best friends…
The NSA knows I eat too much sushi, when I answer my phone, I say mushi-mushi
And that I bought a bidet just for my tushie, they’re my best friends
The NSA know I have super powers and the NSA knows I drink whiskey sours
And the NSA knows I like golden showers they’re my best friend…
The NSA knows I watch too much TV, Binge Boy Meets World and cosplay Mr Feeny
Yeah the NSA knows I wax for my bikini, they’re my best friend…
They’re my best friends…
(call me)