Inspired by a beautiful and wistful song on YouTube by Allie Goetz (Tonight)--this song is neither beautiful nor wistful. But it *Is* about D&D...
Also: this is the really bad, actual audio from the video track. It's as high a quality as I can make it, but there's a severe bit of clipping during much of the screaming bits... Just a warning.
Also: It's uncensored.
This was the best game ever... The traps and riddles were so clever,
And hardly any of our party even died.
Except for George, but he deserved it. He kept doing really dumb shit.
We split his magic items up, I swear to God he almost cried.
And when he came back in the game with his new gnome thief mage assassin
We stole all his stuff again and sold him as a slave.
Best game ever! I took his set of +4 leather
Then we hopped aboard the plot train, let it take us for a ride,
But then George came back...And this time he was a druid
Who refused to leave the forest and always tried to start a fight.
And that's exactly what he did with a poor farmer on the outskirts
Of the town who turned out to be a god in disguise.
Best. Game. Ever. Then George's druid's head got severed.
And he came back in the game while we were going through this cave
To slay a dragon. This time he was a barbarian,
Who hated both our magic users, but had a magic sword of flame.
And when we reached the dragon's lair he argued tactics for an hour,
Til we fed him to the dragon and then killed it in three rounds.
BEST. GAME. EVER.
And as we wound down the adventure, back in town inside the tavern,
George was there as a half elf/half orcish monk illusionist.
And as we counted out our treasure he insisted on attempting
To seduce the barmaid, laughing as she cried and raised her fists.
Until he saw all of our weapons raised, and as he died he swore
That he would never game with us again as long as he lived.
BEST! GAME! EVER! Saved a barmaid, slayed a dragon,
Got the treasure, raised a flagon, And we racked up the XP.
And we will never have to deal with George's bullshit
In another game again, that is at least until next week.
Cause he is the DM's brother, and his mom won't let us game there
In her basement anymore, unless we say that he can play.
And I know you had to be there, but I swear to all that's holy,
Victory was never sweeter than it was today.