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The UnChristmas Song

from Merry Whatever by Mikey Mason

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about

This song originated with my December Online show for 2017. It was written (originally) when I asked for suggestions online for the most "UnChristmas" things that could go in a song. It went back and forth between very socially unacceptable acts with one's mother to snide commentary on what other people think is Christmas-y but others don't.
I re-wrote most of it. Some of the original imagery is still there. Sometimes there was simply a word I liked in the line that I kept (or moved somewhere else...)

This song was made possible by his Patreon supporters, and expecially: Robin Abess, Jeremy Jackson and Jennifer Lewis, James Doster, John Woollard, and Shouts Out Unicorn!

lyrics

Raccoons fighting for a piece of cheese
Toothless sharks and bad tattoos
Twerking with your Grandma at a strip club buffet
Rubber doggie dookie and fake news

Screaming children, hate groups, port-o-pottys, STDs
Chainsaws, human sacrifice
Pit stains on your shirts, and a Walmart on fire
And getting your junk caught in a vice

Half-shaven sheep, and frozen cats,
And watching friends inhale some wind that you passed.
Foot fungus, guacamole, beer,
And a poodle with a sausage bandolier.

Overflowing dumpsters, insurance salesmen robocalls
Watching scrambled porn in 1992
In hopes you get through this season Okay
Merry Un-Christmas to you…

credits

from Merry Whatever, released November 22, 2018

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Mikey Mason Indianapolis, Indiana

A nationally touring performer with hits like She Don’t Like Firefly, Best Game Ever, and Opposite of Cool, Mikey Mason is a ball of contagious enthusiasm who makes songs about role-playing games, video games, sci-fi, fantasy, cats, and the general experience of being a geek. He’s been heard on nerdist.com, SyFy, TheFuMP.com, and Dr. Demento, and is a truly must-see event each time he performs. ... more

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